Hotflash
As the world turns, I continue to be more and more intrigued by the plague of narcissism introduced to humanity by the white male elite and the advent of patriarchy, some 5000-6000 years ago. Like a cloud of locusts, this narcissism has descended on the psyche of humankind, and unlike locusts, it has not died out. Here in the West, this condition has become so normalized that we don't notice the sheer insanity of this state. This condition is very complex. In my last column, I discussed some differences between the genders and this narcissistic reality. In this column, I will explore a different face of narcissism.
I am currently looking at this new phenomenon of "reality t.v."-the latest of which is a rash (which is usually itchy and uncomfortable) of "let's televise the heterosexist relationship reality and encourage voyeurism of the projected male fantasy of relationship and broadcast it world-wide." These shows of suave Ken-doll bachelors, giggly and pert Barbie bachelorettes (the very word a derivation of dominant maleness, signifying female "less than" status) and bumbling "average joes", (and of course, there isn't one of "average janes" for a man to choose from, as women must at all times be above "average" to appease the appetite of hungry men) are steeped in the violent mind-set of objectification. Yes, violent-masked by the airbrushed appearances of beauty, glamour and romance. I have been studying some of these shows because they draw huge ratings, which mean that many minds, including the minds of the future, are absorbing this reality. Recently, a wedding was televised of one of these made for t.v. couples. The network spent almost four million dollars on the wedding. Four million dollars!!! It was billed as the biggest wedding event since Diana and Charles' wedding, and the biggest wedding of the decade. What is going on here?? What happened to women's liberation, the sixties, psychedelic revolution and consciousness-raising? How many starving children can eat for four million dollars? How much medicine can be sent to Africa for the uncountable AIDS victims for four million dollars? And this country spends that on televising a collective fantasy, promoting heterosexist god-the-father coupling and marriage! To me, this is an extreme form of narcissism. Why do the huge entertainment corporations need to promote this illusion? Could it be because the Bush regime fancies itself as the next world-order dicktator, and needs women to fawn and fuss over men, because their agendas are so important, and to produce babies for the ongoing war-machine? You too can have a storybook wedding, with the god-father presiding if you are white, privileged and willing to sell your soul to ABC, NBC or CBS.
As I see it, this kind of televised live soap opera is designed to brainwash women into thinking our fulfillment lies in our ability to attract a man. Scores and scores of young women line up to be picked as "the one" by the cool bachelor dude who determines the worth of these women because they don't know who they are unless a man wants them. This is the entitled male narcissism that currently governs this planet. The bachelor dude narrows his pick down to three women he concurrently "dates". The women drool over him like he is the most important thing in their lives-this guy they hardly know. The network offers him a date with each woman, separately, in which the master suite of some fancy hotel is included as part of the package for an overnight interlude-insinuating a promise of some kind of illusory, fantasized fulfillment. When each woman goes to the chosen overnight suite with romeo, she is beside herself with the seduction of the crackling fire, champagne on ice and the big master suite bed. They don't even know this guy! They know he's doing the same thing with three women, one after the other. And each woman is all over him-cameras zeroing in on kissing scenes and entwined bodies during each individual "date". I simply cannot believe how these women throw their power away and give themselves to this guy in the hopes he will pick them as his one and only. Who would ever see this as a condition of male narcissism, of male domination and superiority, and the ongoing, non-stop, incessant oppression of women? The insistent message of pleasing daddy is deeply ingrained throughout the show--these women hoping, waiting, wanting daddy to see them, nurture them and love them. Where is the real nurturing daddy? Well, he's too busy being narcissistic, being served by mommy, and taking, that he doesn't really know where he is, and neither do I, and neither do these women desperately searching for him.
And then there's the Barbie bachelorette. Even though she is in the position of choosing a guy, rather than being chosen by a guy, she is still brainwashed by the all-important "gotta have a man"mind-set. So, she finally settles on her fireman as the "be all end all of her life", can't wait to become his little mrs. and the next thing you know, the network is marrying her off. The poor woman is marched down the aisle by her father, handed over to her husband-to-be and sermonized by the male minister who basks in his self-conceived likeness to the all-male pantheon of god the father, the son and the holy ghost, righteously religiously ruling over this young woman whose total identity is in the fireman she doesn't really know, who stands before her waiting for "his" bride, like a good boy in a bad dream. When it's all said and done, the minister announces to the fireman that he may "kiss his bride for heavens sake." There, he has a bride-object he can finally call his own and everyone is happy that the male ego is once again fed. The woman--passed on from one male to another-- is the sacrificial object for the narcissistic male ego that knows no end to its hunger. This is current popular television viewing in america.
And now, I have just learned about the super bowl game expensive pay-per-view half-time "extravaganza." This event is none other than a tackle football game with models and actresses running around in their underwear so that drunken men can drool in front of their television sets over the culturally sanctioned sexualization and objectification of women, only to return to the violence of male-bashing (commonly known as "football") when half-time is over. All the while being served beer and popcorn by dutiful wives and girlfriends (Stepford wives?) who join in the whole mess in order to be loved. CBS has called this half-time event "truly must-see TV". "Must see" for whom? Is there anyone out there who can see that this male narcissistic reality is devouring the planet? That which promotes the teaming of sex and violence as a "must see" phenomenon is totally and completely narcissistic in a very dangerous way. It is dangerous because it is based on male privilege and the oppression and second-class citizenry of women, worldwide. This kind of narcissism is in a class all by itself. And there is absolutely no way any half-time event would be scheduled for men to run around in their jock-straps grabbing after each other, unless, of course, men wanted to watch one another, to entertain women. Women aren't interested in sexualizing men and watching their penises flailing around in the wind. We have far more important things to think about-like trying to help our sisters survive in war-torn, rape-torn places, to stop men's wars, feeding our children and constantly attending to innumerable never-ending priorities. What "pleases" men in this culture is what wins. And women lose.
This narcissistic psychosis invades our everyday lives-constantly creeping up on you when you aren't looking and attempting to suck you dry, if you are not careful. We must be careful-i.e., full of care. That is the antidote to this deadly narcissism-care. I care about those young women trying to please daddy by running around in their underwear. I want them to know that there is another way to live. I care about those young women lined up in a row waiting for mr. bachelor to choose them. I want them to know that their self-worth is not dependent on a man liking them-that who they are is magical and exquisite, whole/holy, complete unto themselves, needing no one, and certainly not a man in order to be complete. Any man who truly respects the creatrix-Goddess in a woman would never want to be disrespectful towards her in any way whatsoever. He would want to surrender to the grace and beauty of woman because he would know he is birthed by her, and he would know that the sheer grace and beauty of that miracle would sustain him for his entire life. He would not be the least bit interested in owning or dominating, nor threatened by her power.
In the early days of tantric practice in India, created by women from their deeply spiritual rituals, any man who wanted to be in the presence of the yoginis had to exhibit certain signs of attainment to even be allowed into the circle of women. He knew the yoginis would recognize him as a lover of the Goddess by the level of respect he demonstrated-because he wanted to be respectful, because he knew it was his salvation. There are many references in tantric literature to the dire consequences of any man disrespecting a woman, as it was seen as a terrible crime. My Goddess, how far we are from such a reality.
There is hope, however. The recent gathering of the Loya Jirga in Afghanistan to draft a constitution has seemingly come to some sense about the severe oppression, degradation and dehumanization of women that has been going on there in the name of "god" for a very long time. The chairman of the Loya Jirga, Sibghatullah Mujaddidi, stated "Afghanistan is like a garden that has many kinds of trees, flowers and thorns. The flowers are women." Indeed. I once heard that flowers are the laughter of the earth.
When the flowering of women's wisdom is restored, we will certainly, without a doubt, experience peace on this planet. The deadly rampant global narcissism that is obviously and violently devouring this planet will then transform as the deafening roar of self-centeredness, the core of narcissism, will find its resting place in compassionate, glistening spaciousness and true love.
